Untamed-Desires

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2007-01-01T02:42:00.000-08:00

untamed desires is available at blogger no more!

this blog has shifted...

please turn to

www.untameddesires.wordpress.com

duboya mujhko 'hoanay' ne! mei na hoti tou kya hota?

2006-12-06T09:11:00.000-08:00

i was ready to tell
the story of my life
but the ripple of tears
and the agony of my heart
wouldn't let me

i began to stutter
saying a word here and there
and all along i felt as tender as a crystal
ready to be shattered

in this stormy sea we call life
all the big ships, they come apart
board by board
how can i survive
riding a lonely
little boat
with no oars
and no arms

my boat did finally break
by the waves
and i broke free
as i tied myself
to a single board

though the panic is gone
i am now offended!
why should i be so helpless?
rising with one wave
and falling with the next
i don't know
if i am nonexisting
while i exist...
but i know for sure
when i am,
i am not!
but when i am not,
then i am!

since in this world
i have many times
like my own imagination,
died
and been born again

that is why
after a long agonizing life
as a hunter,
i finally let go
and got hunted down
and became free

credits probably go to Moulana Rumi (not sure!)

thoughtstop : actions speak louder than words

2006-11-25T08:42:00.000-08:00

A wonderfully cloudy day, a light crisp breeze and a whole lot of lush green grass under her feet .... a scenario so perfect that in other circumstances she would have loved it.

But here she is, not knowing why did she ever agree to be there at all ... a situation so utterly uncomfortable for her and she knew this was how it would be. Still she agreed, maybe to put an end to his endless complaints of how she never gave him enough time or importance.

They talk. No, he does. She pretends to be clinging to every word of his. A mask of faked interest to which he is ignorant. Its better this way, she thinks.

And then he decides to take a walk. Her hands grow cold and a chill runs up and down her spine. Her sixth sense tells her to run away but she knows she cant. So she keeps walking, dreading the moment he asks her something to which she will have no answer.

The moment comes ... and goes. The silent lingers. He is probably being very much a gentleman and waiting for her answer very patiently. Words fail her. No, he says; he needs an answer then and there. Cannot wait, you had ample time to think.

And for just one instant, she closes her eyes and asks God for help. She knows the answer but no courage to spell it out to him.

When she opens her eyes, she does not see his questioning eyes as she had imagined she would. Instead she hears him say to her :

'mera khayal tha keh ab tak hum saath chal rahay hei ek rastay per. mei ne dhyaan hi nai diya aur tumne rasta hi badal lia?'

She turns in the direction of his voice and realizes that what had seemed an instant to her, was probably a minute of walking in a direction so further away from him that they were now standing far apart. She decides to wait for him to come over and they walk again.

'chalo mei tumko wapis ghar drop kardoon', he says. She looks at him with a blank expression.

'kuch nai. mujhe bilkul mehsoos nai horaha hei keh hum saath chal rahay hei'.

He got the answer without her saying any words.

Ignorant, Arrogant and a poor memory

2006-11-17T08:35:00.000-08:00

They had been taking my interview for the last 30 minutes. Big deal? Not really....they seemed to have all the time in the world and did not really care that it was Jumma time, that alot of the guys still needed to be interviewed and that it had already been more than 2 hours of waiting time before even my name was called up. Seemed pretty unfair to the candidates prolly because i was one of them but oh well!

It went a fairly good interview and i suppose i gave almost all the right answers (if there is any such thing!!). As the interview came to a close, i popped up the wrong question :S i dared to ask the two (one male, the other female) their names and what they taught at the place. It wasnt a big deal as far as i knew but the reaction i got from the mister xyz was surprising.

me : may i know ur names please? (and i did say it in the most respecting manner!)

xyz : *looks up with a shocked expression* u dont know us?

me : *blank... are these really really famous ppl?*

xyz : didnt u buy the prospectus? didnt u go through it?

me : i did both

xyz : and u still dont know who v r? *takes out the grade sheet again and i feel like killing myself for getting my ownself into trouble*...... thats quite unflattering. prospectus mei sabka naam designation and pictures hei.

me : i know sir, but i also believe there were almost a 100 intros for the faculty. i find it hard to imagine knowing them all. i just know a few by name.

xyz : it shows u r ignorant, arrogant and u have a very bad memory.

me : * i sit back on the seat without invitation because now hes giving me the irks cmmenting like this* and how does it prove all these qualities in me? *asking him and then looking at the lady hoping for some response from her*

xyz : u probably didnt bother through the prospectus thinking ur times too precious shows u r ignorant. if u did, still u were arrogant enough to just note the names of the president and higher-ups here *too bad i felt like telling him that they are both my relavtives but bit my tongue because of his already unbelievable remarks about me* and further more, even if we suppose u did read all about our faculty, u seem unable to match names and faces and remember either of them at all....shows clear signs of a bad memory.

me : *blank and blank and blank*..... right, so i apologize for such an inadequate question :)

xyz : apne aur kabhi interview diya hei kya ever? did u ask such a ridiculous question ever?

me : uhhh never felt the need sir. they were nice enough to introduce themselves or they had name-plates

the lady : actually u r right. we should have those here. i am surprised nobody else asked. i dont mind her question at all. its a very appropriate question. * blank look on her face* y do u wanna know?

me : *oh craaaaaaaaaaaaap wat now :S* just so i can remember and also bcos everyones gonna ask kisne lia interview and also bcos my dad taught me that u shud give ur name and ask the same. its proper etiquettes he says.

lady : theek theek i do agree. i am so and so and he is so and so...

me : thank u :) * and out i go!*

Was i wrong in asking? Even if i was, i definitely dont agree to his replies.
Being the Head of Faculty of a very reputable educational institute must not get to your head. Atleast not in my opinion. I give a damn if i dont get through to the merit list.

Delayed and/or Denied

2006-11-11T09:57:00.000-08:00

Justice delayed, is justice denied.
....................................
....................................
....................................
and what about Dreams?

Got the chance to hear the really nice ghazal from the drama series ' tum kaisi muhabbat kartay ho'. Its been sung marvellously and although the dramas themselves are a wee bit too much on the tragic side, i just simply had to watch one of the episodes and write down the lyrics.... and if ever someone asked me how i spend my life, this is all the words that would sum up everything that i am!

Tum kaisi Mohabbat karte ho?

Tum jahan pe beth ke jaate ho

Jis cheez ko haath lagate ho

Main wahin pe bethi rehti hoon

Us cheez ko chooti rehti hoon

Main aisi Mohabbat karti hoon

Tum kaisi Mohabbat karte ho?

Tum jis se hans ker milte ho

Main us ko dost banati hoon

Tum jis raaste per chalte ho

Main us raaste per aati jaati hoon

Main aisi Mohabbat karti hoon

Tum kaisi Mohabbat karte ho?

Kuch khuwab saja ker ankhon main

Palkon se moti chunti hoon

Tum se milne julne ke

Kitne hi bahane rakhti hoon

Main aisi Mohabbat karti hoon

Tum kaisi Mohabbat karte ho?

back to blogging?

2006-09-26T10:20:00.000-07:00

back on blogworld? maybe :S not so sure n hence i duno if i shud b happy or not :( actually, im pretty dheet n hence, i shalllllllllllllllllll b happy!!! atleast im able to post for now so, yesh! me happy *grin* :D

blog-world seems all strange somehow. mainly because i was so used to the large screen n this new one is a chota sa chickoo in comparison. also, all the blogger beta versions r unaccessible for reasons unknown. n then again, my own blog seems to be dancing on its own tune ahhhhhhhhhhhh i cant see none of the customizations i had done here. i have to redo all the links with a 'pkblogs.com' thingy n feel like strangling the people who banned blogger in pakiland. but wait wait....im still able to blog n hence, im grinning heheh yaaaaa im super duper dheet.

rozay have been kinda hard with the heat wave but Alhumdolillah no power outages unlike at MystaKool's place. i totally skipped the first sehri cos i was too sleepy but the morning after, my dad gave me such glaring looks that i knew i ws 'fixed' for the whole month to b outta bed n doing something in the kitchen.(i can run here n there appear busy n do nothing muahahaha) honestly though, i have no idea wat the fuss is!! y cant u just have some cereal n water or milk n boiled eggs n be done? why the parathay n saalans n wat nots that some ppl eat !! my momsy is totally so nice to make parathay for my bhais n dad but she'll b done good in a week n my turn to make the sehri will come n then NO PARATHAY. i am so not sharmindah that i dont do that :D tea is fine for me. water namaz n back to sleeeeeeeeeep.n thats for everybody!!

tons of all-u-can-eat deals out here for iftari but everyones wanting to go have a party on my bday... naaaaaaye i'll cook sth n take all the money for myself hehe ... for today i made chicken biryani n it turned out hellla goooooood yayyyyy

ramadan is supposed to b all about ibadah n here, im not scoring too well :( not good i know but the tv keeps me hooked up with Zakir Naik's totally cool programs n oooooooooooooh how i love the nasheeds they play by Zain Bhikiya. i cudnt get any of his cassettes which is quite strange but im still looking out for it. One of the channels plays the Qaseedah Burdah with the wordings n i ws very very glad abt it since i wanna learn atleast some of it InshaAllah. everything apart, i totally love how ramadan brings us all together on the table at a set time. this is how things shud b in normal life n not an exclusive once-a-year kinda thingy. sad! n i love the lil kiddies so happy with iftari time even though they werent even fasting hehe its just something so cute n Allah SWT has done all Muslims a favor in this way that atleast in ramadan v do stick n sit together :)

sooooooooooooooooo okay i need to work on tons of stuff in life n i will share it all as much as is possible. do pray i get a pc n a net connection at home so i can bounce back to the blog-world hehe

i totally love this place, n tons of thanx to everyone who visit this crazy world of mine :)

A very HAPPY n BLESSED RAMADAN to all! do remember in prayers pls.

tumse chalti rahay ye rah..yunhi acha hei

2006-09-13T03:15:00.000-07:00

After having extending my DSL till 15th, i have now been told to dismantle the pc-table n everything related put it in a box n make it ready to go :( Nothing good in here because i so preferred spending some time online after each tiring day of shopping,packing,visits to the bank and even having to give enough time to my cosins who have come over from Florida and DC.
So now, the pc is sitting flat on the floor and im happy typing away until momsy catches me not sleeping :D *hope not!!* I have no idea if im gonna b blogging or reading all u wonderful people's comments for quite sometime becuase i prefer not to login from my aunt's place. This blog is a secret i share with people who might not even know my real name; n yet its hidden from my own immediate family lols...probably thats y im still alive! ..

Going through my old mails, i found this long forgotten piece by Faiz..signing out from the blog till tomorrow, the day after or even the next month. Enjoy..

Yaad ki raahguzaar – jis pe isi soorat se

Muddatain beet gai hain tumhain chaltay chaltay

Khatm ho jaye jo – do chaar qadam aur chalo

Moar parta hai jahan dasht-e-faramoshi ka

Jis se aagay na koi mai hoon, na koi tum ho

Saans thaamay hain nigaahain – keh na jaanay kis dam

Tum palat aao, guzar jao, ya murr kar dekho

Garche waaqif hain nigaahain – keh yeh sub dhoka hai

Gar kaheen tum se hum-aghosh hui phir se nazar

Phoot niklay gi waheen aur koi raahguzar

Phir usi tarha jahan hoga maqabil paiham

Saaya-e-zulf ka, aur jumbish-e-bazu ka safar

Doosri baat bhi jhooti hai keh dil jaanta hai

Yaan koi moar, koi dasht, koi ghaat nahi

Jiske parday mai mera maah-e-rawaan doob sakay

Tum se chalti rahay yeh raah – yunhi achha hai

Tum ne murr kar bhi na dekaha – to koi baat nahi

Seeking HIS mercy

2006-09-10T01:52:00.000-07:00

No deafening fire-crackers i heard here, which was quite unlike the happening in Karachi. Nevertheless, i was grateful to atleast know it was Shab-e-Baraat. Its something taken so granted back home to know such nights weeks in advnace but here v get tipped off only around maghrib or maybe its our own ignorance :S

The dinner that night was at someone's place and for once we were on time [:D] which meant ofcourse, that we left lil bro to come home walking after his job and stay home and miss the party hehe. Interesting discussions came up at dinner and when the topics turned into religious debates i took my exit. Asking all the kids to say their prayers before they fall asleep got me huge stares. Great just great!! They knew they had to pray something, but the books were in Urdu and the internet gave only process of reading salat-ul-tasbeeh. So i made the effort of translating the specific prayers for them and writing them down. And as i was doing so, i realized...

I was only able to guide them because for all the years past, I can remember how strict my dad was about properly doing all the prayers. If we complained, he would make us read even more nafils. Yawning meant making tea for everybody and going back to reading dua'a all over again.Its not the fault of these amreekan kids that they know nothing..its their parents fault. Or maybe the busy life. Or whoever or whatever...I felt proud that my lil bro could read salat-ul-tasbeeh on his own. At his age of 17, its nothing to be proud of [:S] but in comparison to the other kids, I felt relieved.

And when i bowed down to Allah SWT, I had yet one more reason to be thankful. To thank HIM for givng me a dad who has instilled in us the proper religious values. Thank you dad and thank you Allah! Atleast I know if I am wrong in something, I am at fault and I am to be blamed. Period! For everything i complain about, I am an ungrateful person. And yet HE says that if I ask forgiveness HE shall give it. Again and again I may err, because I am human. But I will learn...make that effort to learn, to ask forgiveness, to understand. Even a cupful of mercy from HIS sea of Divine mercy shall be enough for me.

I am You,

You Am I,

The Romance Flows …..

Like a stream of honey from God’s feet ……

My world is filled with failures …………

But I am seeing,

God making honey

Out of these failures………

In my utter ignorance

I am calling it as failures….

But not before believing that one day

I will reach a field

which is beyond

Success and failures………

(ameen)

Listen..

2006-09-04T02:21:00.000-07:00

Duno wat to write about...everything that could be blogged, has already been said for now. For everything left unsaid....

If
in the course of a conversation
gaps of silence begin to occur,
spoken words turn silent;
therefore, my eloquent friend,
let’s carefully listen
to this silence.

-Parveen Shakir

thoughtstop : what are tears worth?

2006-08-30T12:22:00.000-07:00

Nobody in this world is worth your tears...

If they are, they wont make you cry!

Stupid person who said this...u cry for everyone you care about and who are worthy of being cared and being cried over... *atleast i think so !*

"the one who loves you will make you weep" - kinda negates the above quote duznt it?

"tears are safety valves of the heart when too much pressure is applied on it" - yeah yes!

"i love walking in the rain- nobody knows im crying" - is that y i love the rain?

"tears are words the heart cant express" - yeah..i cant use too many words!!

do u agree?
disagree?
spam this place with ur thoughts :)

DSL? no more!!!

2006-08-28T00:46:00.000-07:00

Its not fun choosing between two options, is it? I have to cancel my DSL connection by next week or else, pay 35 bucks for the whole month of September. It wouldnt be very unfair, but i can use DSL only till about the 12th of September; after that, we shall be moving out of this apartment. Hence, next week shall be the last time i get to use this pc n connection.

Moving!! goshh i never knew it was this darn difficult. Even though Sacramento never even came close to being a 'home', it was still where we lived. But this little apartment of ours was totally my heaven! I just loved living at the Orchard's and considered it as God's mercy on moi! (even though i call it a murghi ka darba lols) I feel soooooooooo sad to have to move out. Plus, i am very lazy. I cant seem to realize there's only 2 weeks left till the moving out and theres plenty much to do. The kitchen, momsy has already scrubbed. She even cleaned the cabinets and all. Nims went ahead and cleaned her part of the closet... but whats the use!! Clean the cabinets and dump everything on the floor blaaah!

All i have done is make sure the working people dont go hungry haha... i make them sandwiches twice a day, sometimes tea (if i wanna have it too :D ). But i have done everything related to the banks and the bills and the dues and overdues and what nots!! Paperwork alone is enough to drive a calm dont-care person like me crazy :S My bhai has left a whole ton of past-due credit bills and checks that need to be deposited asap. Stupid ATT is charging $99 bucks because of premature contract termination. And to think that the contract officially becomes effective on September 15th, the day v move out of here! Cingular is gonna charge $300 bucks for the same reason. Thank lord that SMUD has spared us termination fee. Probably the apartment lady is gonna have her field day charging us for this and that and keep the whole $500 security deposit..... in short, dear dad, i hereby claim u possibly bankrupt! Who knew moving was this much hassle and kharchaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Wayyyyyyyyyyy too much stuff to shift, not enough time, too much money wasted.... n i feel like moping cos I shall b living without the internet by next week!! ohhhh not so soon :(

I seriously wanna get a garage sale organized and get rid of most of the stuff but the summer heat is gonna fry my brain duh! Anyone needs a Cingular connection? take mine puhlease. It's only $55/mth for 2 lines n 500 mins n its only a one year contract...im prepared to give up the motorola camera phone and give u the first month free....just take it!!

thoughtstop : Whats in a name?

2006-08-24T02:16:00.000-07:00

Knowing him, being with him and having him all for herself; that was all that mattered to her. He had never told her enough and she had never asked for more. It really didnt matter to her probably because she had never stopped to think and question anything about him. Everything he said, she accepted it. Even the name he told her, she used it. But there were so many gaps in all that he said. She could hear him responding to a different name, other than the one he had told her. Some more confusing mix-ups as well. She took the hints, the bits and pieces of his real self but never asked him directly.

Time went by and the questions began to pop-up within her...the quest to know him. The real him. She sat down and prayed for his trust in her. Enough trust to make him tell her everything he had hidden. The prayers were not answered and she felt often irritated and bewildered by her own doubts. The person who made her feel complete, so happy, so energized..why doubt him?

'Whats in a name?', she asked herself. 'I know his identity, that should be enough. After all, that is what matters isn't it? A rose is rose because of its looks and n0t because of it's name.' Foolish lullabys she sang to herself, trying to put doubts to sleep.

Time flew by. The questions remained and still they were together. He, hiding himself behind a veil and she, content with all that showed despite the veil.

One day, all of a sudden, she got the name. His real name. It felt strange now. All along she had known his name and yet had ignored to use it or ask why he did not trust her enough because it didnt matter to her, she thought. How wrong she was! The name had mattered so much but what mattered most was the distance that would be created between them if she asked..she had ignored everything to cling on to him only.

Once again, she sat down to pray; asking god to not take him away from her but she needed the truth from him. A heart so full of fear, a voice full of hope and eyes that wouldnt leave his for even a split second, she braved the question. He got tensed, dark shadows clouding into his eyes, his mouth forming a thin line as he struggled to keep up with her glare. The silence was dreadful for both of them. She hoped he would say something, anything...already, she was regretting the questioning. Whats in a name? again and again she asked herself. Moments passed and she went away because he didnt even look into her eyes anymore. Maybe all he loved her for, was the fact that she had never questioned anything about him. Now, he knew things would never be the same and she felt the feeling sinking her into deep depression.

Outside, someone came and asked her about him; using his real name. Suddenly, she realized that this was how the world knew him. They all knew everything about him, by name and by identity. It didn't matter how she knew him. A rose is a rose no matter what name u call it, she remembered. No. She had never seen anyone call a rose, anything but a rose. Not jasmine, not tulip, not lily..it was always a rose.

Her reflection in the mirror smirked at the tears in her eyes. Everything was in the name. The identitiy belonged to the name. She had known a part of his existence only. Foolish girl. More tears followed, more sleepless nights but she did not regret asking. Somehow, the candle of hope had probably managed to survive the merciless winds. As more time went by, she felt alive no more.

Were her prayers ignored once again? Had the candle of hope finally been blown away?

Dua'a

2006-08-20T04:43:00.000-07:00

026.083 -O my Lord! bestow wisdom on me,and join me with the righteous;
026.085 -And place me among the inheritors of the Garden of Delight, (THE HOLY QURAN) - Ameen

My Lord! I seek refuge in Thee from suggestions of the evil ones, And I seek refuge in Thee, my Lord, lest they be present with me, Ameen (Al-Muminun 23, 97-98 ~ The Holy Qur'an)

Our Lord! Pour out on us patience and constancy, and make us die as those who have surrendered themselves unto You. (7:126) - Ameen

i need my zZzZzZzZ's

2006-08-19T02:05:00.000-07:00

Between thursday and friday, i managed 4 hours of sleep only ; thanx to the rains in Karachi that kept all my friends away from work/univ and instead on msn :D It really doesn't happen a whole lot so i chatted the night away.

I got a chance to talk with Sobs my dear dear gal and v had tons of stories to share - guys, ofcourse!!;) and then some more catching up to do on gossips and the wedding season...till v started the dreaded diet talk. oooh boy that is NOT my favorite topic. Sobs has apparently lost tons of weight by starving. Andi thought to myself : shit! i cant starve! i can never go thin. no wait, i'll start from today..i'll have a good breakfast of eggs n bread n butter n tea n then i'll start starving yaaah!i cud hear dances gng on somewhere inside me la la la! :D

By 10 friday morning, my sis took over the pc n i went to sleep, bhai ws sick n wanted to talk to me so no sleep :S that got me a headache n i was almost lost in dreamworld when the darn phone rang and rang...

me - hello? *pretending to b wide awake*
may - salamz..r u ready yet? want me to pick u up on the way?
me - oh ya lemme ask mom
*asking momsy as to where i was supposed to go? *dont sleep!!* blink*
momsy - Gk said appointment was at 6
me - *now wide awake* SIX? the place closes at FOUR! WTF!! amiiiiiiiiiiiiii :@
may - hello? see u in an hour, yes?
me - dont pick me, i'll b there with nims at 12.bye

11-30 i wash my face n stare at my upside down closet n ofcourse, eerything needs to b washed, ironed this or that ahhh! grab a tank top throw white informal suit over it n im all ready . Tell nims to come along n v'r at the door when..

mom - blue tank top k saath ye pink purse? u have a blue one na! seldom u dress up n even then u'r a rainbow(?)
me - momsy! i wanted to go in my PJs but i cudnt..how sad na?..*i see the horrified look on her face n walk out*

By 12 at Peeta's place n no sign of may.Go inside and may is already into her denting painting being done...wait and chat..my turn..no, nims wants to go first...my turn finally! i show Peeta my old pic lols..she laughs n says okay :) get my brows done..let's go home? no..nims thinks she needs more fixing :S okay...done? yeah lets go..no wait! if nims can have a gala time why not moi? do ur wonders Peeta :D..done? pay up time.... takes us sisters 15 mins of u-give,no-u-give glares to cough up 24 dollars..

Finally, home and breakfast! Everything i dreamt of ahhh heaven! Can i sleep? JUMMA! namaz parho errr ya okies...can i sleep now? no, wash the dishes, fix up some kitchen stuff, check the food bla bla..

All done! yayyy...sweet dreams here i come!

Now, i can't sleep :S
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Four hours of sleep n up again. Another namaz, the friday recitation of the certain Quranic Chapters...

GK coming for tea..bringing the jewllery from Zales. If i like it i WILL keep it woohhoooo atleast something good is happening:D

Oh, and Peeta did a marvellous job on all three of us. Tons of hugs for that sweet chubby lady :)

The Graduation party coming up tomorrow...if there's a singing competition, me n nims have decided to sing some totally Paki national songs (aaye watan k sajeeley jawanon wud b nice lols) and maybe if AJS gives us his cellphone, i'll put up the national anthem ringtone n force evryone to stand up in respect...

the cost of singing the anthem ? : 10 minutes of our croaking voices
the cost of getting the ringtone from AJS? : $10 or maybe $11
the horror of the audience ? : ABSOLUTELY PRICELESS!!!

take that!! all u paki-bashers :D muhahahahaha

innocent n funny :)

2006-08-16T03:27:00.000-07:00

i remember telling my seven yr. old niece a story abt how a little girl was planning something over the phone and her stepmom overheard and punished her."serves her right for being stupid"she said, "why didn't she send an email?"

*from a fwded email*

book week @ blogworld?

2006-08-11T04:16:00.000-07:00

Was it my imagination,or was it really supposed to be something of a book-blog week ? Nobody reads books kya????????????????????? Why hasn't anyone except 2 bloggers posted any stuff :@ baaaaaaaddddddddd

I'm making a trip to the library this weekend. Hope to find something worthwhile to read... n i'll put up the meme and tag all of u :P my list of books i love, would be Enid Blyton's books (fairytale world) and Nancy Drew and Hardy boys (detective stories) and and Charles Dickens ones; then books by the Bronte sisters and Danielle Steel, John Gray (Mars n Venus series) and Chicken Soup series and more! Then came along 'She's the One' by Kelly. This one's amazingly inspiring and life-changing and its a window into the world of relationships from women's point of view. (so much for it being a men's world hehe) Must have read plenty many in between too but i cant remember all names.Wuthering Heights is worth mentioning and Lioness by Barabara Cartland and Woman of Substance by B.Taylor

The only good book i'v read in the past year was 'Memoirs of a Geisha' and loved it because of it being a woven fantasy of the real world and dreamnland. My cousin gave me his book 'Society' and it made me hate USA all the more :S Since he's so much of a 'im-AMREEEEEEKANN now', i duno y he bought that book but it helped me bring down his Pledge of Allience down to the ground woohooo!! take that Bhai :P ofcourse, i cudnt possibly miss the chance of humiliating US-society :D

Unfortunately though, i have not read very many Urdu books. Khuda ki basti, Raja Gidh, Ujala, Shama, Mere khwab rezah rezah,Angoothi ki museebat,Koela are probably the only ones i read. None among my friends read books let alone urdu ones which is sad very very sad.

Actually, i think i just love the fairytale stories :D All full of pixie dust and magic and goblins hehe(thats the kid in me talking ;)). None of the serious stuff ever brings a smile on my face as does all my bachpan wali story-books and the adventures of the Famous Five or that of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn! Even Sherlock Holmes i'd prefer after a double dose of Sidney Sheldon. Itna crap in this life na, books should be entertaining and relaxing and fun and..... i can go on and on here :D

And yes, to anyone bothered by fairytales => grow up, i shall NOT!!!!!

M.D. Digger Music Video

2006-08-10T04:18:00.000-07:00

From Geoge Washington Univ. MSA...

She take my money
While I'm in residency
She's a trifling Hijabi
She's an M.D. Digger
Way out of line
All set on me...

I ain't saying you an M.D. Digger
But you aint messin' with no broke brothers
I ain't saying you a J.D. Digger
But you aint messin' with no broke brothers
gaze down sister...

I got a random poke from a DC sister
The next thing I know she's added me to friendster
She said mashAllah your beard is so nice
The next thing I know she wants to be my wife
Now a warning to my brothers all premed prelaw
First she wants iftars, then she wants some cars
Took her friends to a movie and she made me pay
If you messin' w/ this sister then you better have prayed

(Chorus)

30 days...she ate all my dates for all those 30 days
Somebody stole my lota from my personal space
Somebody stole my prayer rug while I pray
Then she ate the ladoo that my Ami made

Now I aint saying you a M.D. digger but you got needs
Much like us brothers we need ESPN
Don't forget about those religion majors
They got no bling but they can write your Nasr papers
So look for all bros there are so many times
I know they're cooler bros and yea that's nice
They have thicker beards and they pray all five
On MSA Board and they stay all fly
But you can stay while he gives Dawah talks
Then he'll ditch for a Pita and an Xbox

(Chorus)

dil-e-mann musafir-e-mann (by faiz)

2006-08-09T05:28:00.003-07:00

DIL-E-MANN MUSAAFIR-E-MANN

mere dil mere musaafir
huaa phir se hukm saadir
ke vatan badar hon ham tum
de.n galii galii sadaayen
kare.n rukh nagar nagar kaa

ke suraagh koii paaye.n
kisii yaar-e-naamaabar kaa
har ek ajanabii se puuchhe.n
jo pataa thaa apane ghar kaa

sar-e-kuu-e-naashanaayaa.n
hame.n din se raat karnaa
kabhii is se baat karnaa
kabhii us se baat karnaa

tumhe.n kyaa kahuu.n ke kyaa hai

shab-e-gham burii balaa hai
hame.n ye bhii thaa ghanimat
jo koii shumaar hotaa
hame.n
kyaa buraa thaa maranaa
agar ek baar hotaa

Just got an email from my dad. He's @ HongKong airport enjoying some free massage and food and all at the lounge and says he's missing us all. A CC of that mail was sent to my other sibbs. One of my brothers has also gone back to Khi with my dad. This little guy had pledged never to leave the US soil and had worked really hard to get into the flow of things here. Surprise surprise!! hes the one who took off....leaving behind... ME :( It seems that the more i want to go back, the more things keep me from doing so.

My sis, nims is really mad @ me for not fighting enough about going back. I could have, but this time im done dead. Three times in the past year i have had my ticket from SanFransicso to Karachi and all three times they were cancelled. Two times my mom went back with my dad and this time my bhai. I think i'll just let nims shout@ me and temme how 'weak' i'v gone. :) This time, nims , go ahead and fight the fight...

With the two men out, this place will go back into mayhem again. Do this andthat and just too much paperwork for me to do. Bank stuff which i am barely able to understand. And if not me, then who will do it :(
All this stuff is getting to me again and im back to my horrible habbit of staying up all night just to avoid everyone in the daytime.... I think till now I had managed to live just fine but the future is not even a crossroad of choices for me to pick from, its a dead end. I wish not to be alive at this very moment. If only i had someplace to run away to...

And despite all this piece of crap that I am, some people are nice to me; they call me up for hours at a stretch, talk on the net, tease me an awful lot about karachi and others just peep into the windows of my dreams :) Each one of them is special to me and im glad to have crossed paths with them even if for the briefest of moments.

Dear BOSS...

2006-08-07T03:56:00.000-07:00

Certified that Mr./Miss _________________ , working in your organization, is suffering from 'time-bound' illness. Due to this, he/she will NOT be able to work more than 8 hours a day and 5 days a week.

Any attempt to stretch beyond this timing will lead to severe health problems. The losses to the company due to medical reimbursements will be far more compared to the gains made by stretching beyond 8 hours.

It is also warned to keep my patient away from any kind of shocking news such as"Come over weekend..", "Let's work on holiday..", "Leave cannot be granted.."
etc. which can directly lead to heart strokes.

In view of the above, it is strongly recommended to adjust your deadlines in
accordance with the convenience of my patient.
Sd/-
Dr.

my crazy advice!

2006-08-04T15:03:00.000-07:00

when the world gets bitchy to u,

it means u'v finally accomplished

enough to make them hate u!!

hurray for that achievement ;)

meanie ME!!

2006-08-02T04:49:00.001-07:00

i wanted to have ice-cream
n baskin robbins in CH didnt have the $1 tuesday deal!

im sleepy but cant sleep

nets gone dead..no IMs connecting

i skipped dinner :( bad thing to do! now i got hunger pangs

i wanna read some nice book...the library has a really
stupid collection

desi bazar had no new movies

i wana have biryaniiiii n rain! loooooots of rain chaiay

i wanna b a kid n pout n shout n throw things around

i just wana complain about everything!
(and get away with doing all that crap)

im in my complain mode..welcome to the 'MEANIE ME'

Disclaimer :
this image is how i FEEL like ..not LOOK like it dahhhhh
ya ya..who gives a damn even if it really was me :S
but its NOT!

the Moto diet!

2006-07-29T04:12:00.000-07:00

My cosin Ali has always been a naughty n nice kid. And he loves pulling tricks on his beloved mama. His mom, (my khala GK) is a little bit on the healthy side and keeps on running from one crash to another even though none of them really work :S

So thie time Ali told his mom that theres a cool new cell-phone doing the rounds and he plans to buy it for her because it comes with a 'weight-sensor'. Khala being a non-techie was quite surprised and it ofcourse involved something with weight so couldnt she be hehe...so he goes on to tell her

Ali : you know mama, its got weight-sensors so u dont need a weighing machine

GK : haaye Ali sachi? i ws thinking of buying a weighing machine but its so expensive even in Sears! So tell me more about it, does it have a diet chart?

Ali : no mama with this gadget u need nothing like those dumb stuff. You can keep track of your dieting success everytime people call

GK has her eyes open wide in amazement now

Ali : see mama everytime any one calls on your cellphone, the phone will use its sensor and will speak out if u'v lost enough weight! that way u can keep minute by minute track of your weight loss

GK : kidher mileyga bachay? is it expensive? does it work?

Ali : yeah its not very expensive but i borrowed it from Riz chachoo for a couple of weeks for you to try it. *hands the motorazr to his mom*

GK : wow its all nice and shiny. On hei keh nahi? can i try it now?

Ali : Its on. I'll call from the home phone and lets see..

...the motorazr vibrates and theres a voice that says 'hello Moto'!!

GK : WTF!! ye kya badtameezi hei...haawe am i really so fat? sachi?? *all sad face, speaking to herself* kal se im going on the cabbage diet next week i'll see how it calls me MOTO again

Ali : okies good luck mama i lov u (goes outside and high-fives his brother)

a week later, the poor lady has lost a pound and hates the phone because it keeps greeting her as 'Hello Moto' everytime someone calls!

If v keep our mouths shut for another week, the brothers have promised a treat @ round-table :D all v have to do is not tell her that the 'Hello Moto' is a ringtone and will keep calling her the same until she changes it. Also, the Motorazr is a gift to her from her kids and they think this will help her stick to the dieting.

The face she makes and the way she curses the weight-sensor everytime she hears the tone is just so hilarious! I'v even heard her screaming back at the phone that she has lost some weight hehe too bad khala...that phone cant hear u! LoLzzz

which sin outta the 7 makes me ...'me'!!

2006-07-28T00:51:00.000-07:00

Greed:	Medium
Gluttony:	Medium
Wrath:	Medium
Sloth:	High
Envy:	Medium
Lust:	Very Low
Pride:	High

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

there now....im a sloth (or am i sloth-y? duno how that word is used grammatically)..have too much pride..low on gluttony? i thought i was a foodie!..all others r fine too..pretty much spot on hmmm i been honest on the test :D no cheating at all

cos yer Moslem!!

2006-07-27T16:03:00.000-07:00

Theres scorching heat everywhere but most places in CA have broken/tied records of heatwaves! Its been 11 straight days of temperatures soaring in triple figures...

Pretty obviously, such temperatures had my sis in a bad mad mood since she has to pick and drop the youngest one from school daily.So, when she woke me up at noon on tuesday, i thought she wanted me to give her company through the boring ride and mumbled something about being tired,feeling sick and to grab a couple of pizzas from Safeway cos i cannot stand the heat in the kitchen.And, then i pulled the covers back on my face to go back to sleep but she yanked them back and burst into tears saying that theres something horrbile wrong with the van's windshield and needs help....okay i said and got up with a sigh.The heat that struck the face as soon as i stepped outside was a shocker but even more so was the condition of the van :S someone had actually thrown buckets full of glue (or something like glue) on it and the heat had dried it up making matters worse. So while she came back inside to grab a sponge brush and liquid soap, i filled up jugs of water to make that stuff icky sticky and easy to remove...

A good 37 visits n jugfuls of water it took to wash that stuff out. A total hour wasted while my bro had to wait outside in the heat waiting for someone to pick him up. Aching hands, massive sweating and wondering who did all this and why, we went off to pick him up grab the pizza and b home asap.

As v got off, v got the answer to the WHY! there was a paper stuck to the side of the license plate :

CUZ YER MOSLEM

V r hurt by who so ever did this because v live here peacfully and abide by all rules n believe ourselves equal to all fellow Americans no matter which race, color or religion they belong to! Such prejudice is extremely offensive against all Moslems everywhere and v had never assumed that v would become another victim to such hatred against Muslims in the US.

As to how they knew v r Muslims....heres a clue to what type of questions my sis gets asked during her day @ the Sunrise Mall :

the TrUtH unfolds...!

2006-07-25T00:32:00.000-07:00

THE COFFEE TEST!!

You Are a Soy Latte

At your best, you are: free spirited, down to earth, and relaxed
At your worst, you are: dogmatic and picky
You drink coffee when: you need a pick me up, and green tea isn't cutting it
Your caffeine addiction level: medium

comments : a SOY latte? for pete's sake! i dont even know wat that stuff tastes like duhhh! n nooooooooooo my caffeine addiction is not medium! i need a cup of tea ..anyone out there listening to me?? oh, the free spirit stuff sounds sweet hei na :D now thats moi!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AM I MORE CAT OR DOG?

You Are: 60% Dog, 40% Cat

You are a nice blend of cat and dog.You're playful but not too needy. And you're friendly but careful.And while you have your moody moments, you're too happy to stay upset for long.

warning : Donot ask why i did this test! Guess!! yaaaaaaa STILL no tea :S

comments : yayyyyyy im happy with the outcome :) im shwweeeeeeeeeeet meowwwwww lols

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
HOW BRUTALLY HONEST AM I?

You Are 36% Brutally Honest

Honesty is nice, but only when it's convenient. You rather be nice than honest.You figure it's important to be honest about the big stuff, but little lies never hurt anyone!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WHAT NUMBER AM I?

You Are 4: The Individualist

You are sensitive and intuitive, with others and yourself.
You are creative and dreamy... plus dramatic and unpredictable.
You're emotionally honest, real, and easily hurt.
Totally expressive, others always know exactly how you feel.

comments : that one..has made my day and dare i say => its true muahahaha *im being all devil now:D*

Tea Trouble..!

2006-07-19T04:08:00.001-07:00

As if its something that needs to be blogged..but what the heck! I will cos i miss my teaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Have been missing it for three days now..

Apparently, i dont make great tea at 4 in the morning but since im the only one complaining, it seems that just somethingz wrong with my tea :( I have absolutely NO idea as to why my dearfolks had to go and get 'Good-Day' milk from Albertsons! So what if they had a sale? Milk from that place tastes horribly horrible at normal price...n the buy one-get one reduced price has made it worse (i never knew that it could really get any worse than it already was).

My dear mom came up with a solution of making tea with some of that good-day stuff n add to it a whole big tbsp of Everyday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH that heavenly,heavenly evaporated milk that i had forced my dad to bring from Karachi just for me. (yaaa im selfish about my tea!) He brought only a teeny meeny pack and with atleast 10 tbsps a day being used up...the magic stuff has gone finito :( And here i am, ranting endlessly about this ugly looking liquid which my sis is drinking with joy partly bcos she didnt have to make it and also bcos she can have another cup of this 'tea' - ofcourse, im only glad she'll have mine too! Such a terrible waste of tapal tea!

Since the good powdered milk is done with, momsy switched to the nondairy coffee creamer! lordddddddddddddddd all that trouble she will go through until those 4 gallons of milk are done with; but im missing my tea duh!

So, i think i should wake up really early this morning and make some kheer outta that whole gallon of milk hehehe momsy darling will think she's in a nightmare :D Oh yeah..n if someone in sacto or folsom county could temme where i can get hold of some Nido or Comelle please! dear desi bazaar brace yourself cause if you people dont stock up on this good stuff then import it (for me :D to have my tea)

warning : to keep my sanity(?) alive, i NEED A GOOD STRONG CUP OF TEA! n until then, anything and everything i say should not be held against me :P

Wishing You Good Luck On Life's Journey..

2006-07-18T03:25:00.000-07:00

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

- Robert Frost

if love was red...

2006-07-14T13:16:00.000-07:00

I still recall the taste of your tears
Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears
My favorite dreams of you still wash ashore
Scraping through my head
'till I don't want to sleep anymore
You make this all go away
I'm down to just one thing
And I'm starting to scare myself
I just want something I can never have
You always were the one to show me how
Back then I couldn't do the things that I can do now
This thing is slowly taking me apart
Grey would be the color if I had a heart
In this place it seems life is such a shame
Though it all looks different now
I know it's still the same
Everywhere I look you're all I see
Just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be.

//dedicated to the person who said "if love was red, she was color-blind"

FIFA final, a dinnre at home n a headache

2006-07-09T11:01:00.000-07:00

yaaaaaaaaa finally its started...actually, no, theres still a few minutes left..the players r still singing there saa re gamaa - oops, i mean the anthems.... everywhere, the talks r abt the 1982 worldcup when Italy won. for details read : Looking back at FIFA 1982 finals

4 mins into the 2006 game n one of the Italians has a yellow card! And now a penalty kick awarded to France and goalllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll. wow some goalkeeper, he seems to b getting some rest as the ball flew over his head ..due apologies to FIFA fans cos im hecka bad with names! OOOOOOOh! 19 mins n Italy hits back with a goal!

An update on my days since i last blogged? ya tons of bad news n i mean TONs. Just when u think life cant get worse, surprise surprise!!! for me, lifez mostly a shocker with twists and turns at the least expected and least needed times.

A dinner at home last night has resulted in me n my mom with aching bodies dah!! Men folk in my family r zero help at all but the wish-list they have is marvellous...as if v r all super women n can cook just abt anything and everything, clean the house, clean the mess after these men and then they complain abt the mess v womenfolk r in!! talk abt a WOW or infact a powwow..a BIG punch in the noses to all of them...

The food turned out good, the punch ws better than any i'v had, cold coffee ws as good as a starbucks frappucino and the company ws enthusiastic, hungry and more...all in all it ws all worth the effort. Mom made really good kababs n all the rest of the menu ws by me :D the highlight of the dinner party was that the ladies got to eat in peace..for once it was actually a ladies-first scenario, sth usually non-existent for v r supposed to give oh-so-much (unneeded) importance.

Yesterday ws an exception in the eating-gender order because one of the families' kids, left their dad sleeping back home hehe so my dad n bro went to go pick him up n the other uncle went along too. So the kids took their food, then v females had a time to enjoy :)

Teaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa thats wat i need right now! A bad headache is weakening all my efforts to stay awake n watch the match.... lets see if im able to digest the whole final.

u hate tears,but i cant stop mine from falling..

2006-06-24T00:32:00.000-07:00

When my sis showed me the msg "my father has expired" i cudnt guess who had sent the sms n when the detail showed ur number,i stared in disbelief...all i cud do ws login msn praying that the mutual frnd of ours wud temme its not true.I asked if he got a call from u n he said he hadnt n the relief i saw on my sisterz face ws a reflection of the relief i felt.Still, i insisted that he call u n ask even when he said he ws busy...n then he came back to say the news is true n ur dadz expired.When u urself called n said it out,it seemed u were so normal n ur frnd said u r being realistic....i understand wat he meant but my thoughts took me back years ago when ur grandparents had died n u had been playing tough for a few days, then u broke down saying how lonely u were feeling n although no words cud have made u feel better, v had been equally glad that i ws there for u just like u had always been there for me during problems in my family n the death of my aunt.

From the smallest troubles in my life to the biggest obstacles that shook my world, u were always there at all the odd timings when i called u. U wud stay up all night n talk, come home if u cud, meet me whenever u were available, everything to make me feel better, to show u cared....I duno wat happened to have upset u in the past year but i know that nothing can b worse than not hearing ur voice for four months in a row n then one day u call me up just to say u'r lonely n asking y i had to go leaving u; if i had a choice i wud never have gone away, if i knew v wud b so far apart i wud have stayed back the only way i cud but u hadnt let me...u knew i wud never say no n u took advantage of that and although u taught me to never regret anything in life, hearing u say how much u regret having me so far away feels music to my soul..

Few months ago when sanaz dad passed away, i felt burdened for not being there for her.She had been my dearest gal always n more so bcos she had told u to talk to me n told u all my secrets n u 2 were very sneaky abt playing me around n telling me all abt it at a time when all i cud do ws grin n just b happy that v were together n a crazy trio :) I havent been able to talk to her ever since she got married, but i hope shes well n knows that im grateful to her - for friendship, happiness, fun n most of all for u.

And today, u r lonely once again for the loss of ur dad. U have to make decisions that will make or break ur world n i knew the scare in ur voice...that certain irritativeness that shows in ur voice when u want to go away from it all, when u just fall silent n that silence talks to me more than words ever can....I'm so sad for u so sorry to b so far away, so unable to take ur pains away but i know u'r very strong n brave. Just know that i still have the same faith n more, in u that iv had in the past 7 years n im praying for u alot.

U wont read all this but maybe some day u will....as tears fall, ur voice keeps reminding me how u hated when i cried. Forgive my tears, i cant stop them.

Mom n Dad r finally here!!

2006-06-21T08:44:00.000-07:00

Finally, mom n dad r here...its fun.Atleast im relieved from much headache - not that i took any, but its still good to know im not gonna b accused of not taking headaches haha. Shes been cooking good n 3 times a day! Hes been good dropping n picking kids from school...whew! I can sit back n enjoy the ride yaaay :)

Dad ws around when i logged in orkut n he saw my nick as Rebellious Sinner :D i had thought he cudnt see cos he didnt have his glasses on so as soon as i saw him craning his neck at the screen i immediately clicked the home page where it just says 'Mona' but he had seen enough to gimme a lecture. I said he saw something wrong and he told me to hit the back button (groannnnnnnn y did i have to teach him the IE stuff!) n i had to n there it ws, my nick in all its shining glory. Oh well i sughed n said "its just a ncikname " and there it was - the BIG mistake duhhh another big lecture. So now i had to drag mom into the car for fear that i would get another lecture during the ride back n hoped she wud save me but he seemed pre-occupied n i ws relieved :) Although, the lectures r gonna fly my way soon enough cos hes got trememndous memory, apparently sharp eyes and even sharper ears! With a dad like that ...........Mona, u better watch out hahaha We havent been able to go out anywhere yet. Not even for ice-cream! Lets hope v do soon enough or im making my lil trip to Mac soon enough with my kid-bro.....too much home-food has me gng sick hehe...

They bought nice stuff for us though, only, everything mostly needed by me was taken by my sis :) im not bothered but i did give mom a lecture that when she should bring 2 of everything so that each sister can have one! The clothes n kurtees r good, and so r the sandals. So im kinda happy abt this.

Best of all its been few days now n the two have managed to get along without breaking any glasses or plates on the wall/floor! Thats an achievement that calls for a celebration - dear Mac, here i comeeeeeeeeeee! n my order is a premium crispy chicken sandwich with medium soda n large fries; add to that a hot fudge sundae n im in heaven ;)

Hell's Kitchen openz again!

2006-06-17T02:38:00.000-07:00

As i was in the kitchen, i heard my lil bro shout that hey! theres a kitchen
worse than ours n its on tv! curiosity got the best of me as i sat down to
watch Chef Gordon Ramzy taking a batch of people who claim to be able to cook and have some degree of culinary expertise and make them fit to run a major restaurant. The show started with all the 12 wannabes making their signature dishes which, with only 2 excpetions, actually headed into the bin thanks to Ramzy's dramatic disapproval... i do mean dramatic, for the made the wierdest of noises and faces and threatened to throw up! That was a good attempt cos it sure made us pull faces too and for mere viewing via the tv screens, hats off to the Chef for making us feel like v'r eating the nasty bunch of dishes ourselves lols!

The episode had one challenge to it, to feed a full restaurant only 24 hours after opening. The twelve contestants were split into Red(women) and Blue(men) teams. Although both fared depressingly bad and were unable to produce appetizers/entree's until the place was almost empty, the men managed to take a win.

A lot food had been wasted that night for not being upto Ramzy's standards and he was not pleased. So the contestants had to go through the dumpsters first thing the next morning n realize wasted food doesn't bring in profits but if you're going to live up to Ramsay's standards you either waste food or you get it right the first time. The next episode had them cutting 10 ounce steaks from a piece of beef... this time women took the lead and were lucky to have chance to go to dinner with Ramsay at a restaurant that serves wild game.

In the night's service the women's team continued to be on a roll, getting a number of entrees out, while the men had trouble because side dishes for the main course weren't being completed. During all this, one guy got sturkc out bcos of anxiety attacks n ws pulled off the show n one of the women leaders burnt her hand real bad but she got good praise and apparently became the Chef's favorite.

No idea wat this monday will bring on..but if these two episodes were anything to judge by, Ramzy is gona b my fav britisher after Simon Cowell (apologies to the 'dance' guy, i duno ur name n i totally think u'r pathetic) and im gona watch this show as attentively as American Idol... Ofcourse, Hell'z Kitchen is probably a tv-set n all..but the ppl r real, the prize is for real n all the time watching BBC FOOD has taught me that Chef R is right when he says that the survivor of the Hell's Kitchen process will walk out a better chef as a result, and I wouldn't be surprised if he or she is as abusive of the people working under them as Ramzy is. It's the way of the Chef-fy world.

The Golden Arch weds the latinos?

2006-06-14T02:04:00.000-07:00

well atleast that seems to have happened, to every MacDonalds i have
been to in the past few months...

the problem? those mexicans dont even know english excpet for 'yes/no'
and unfortunately..theres nothing on the Mac menu that can b ordered
using those two words only!

suffice to say, its very very irritating.v have to keep on repeating the order
many times before an 'OKHAY' comes out from the server. Here'z the
warning :- that okhay wil not ensure that u'r about to get wat u ordered...
they'll still serve u wat they think u ordered, n probably fries wud b the
only correct thing u'll get...no matter that its a large while u wanted small!

so am i like all those 'racists' out there who feed their ego by humiliating
the latinos? NO! but i do blv that to survive here in USA, they have to
make an effort to learn English...and likewise, WalMart, Mac n others
need to either stop hiring anyone who is incapable of talking in english
or train them...unfortuntaely, the big-wigs seem to bother abt neither!

a drive-thru ordering experience is another crazy little thing! atleast 10
orders made by my family have resulted in 0 correct ones! we are
either given all fish burgers...or the wrong fries...never enough sodas,
and the sundaes? they'r usually minus the fudge duhhhhh

so all complaints n nothing good?
nopes!!

heres the BEST part ! the latinos r bad at english AND math! sooooo?
they cant add good! n it saves a buck or two every time v order hehehe
how they total up n survive? no idea!!

so well, v'll still complain n v'll still go there! cos v like the burgers, the
less-charged bills...n the golden arch reminds me of home!!!

so until the latinos learn english n maths..all v gona do is enjoy the
totally delicious crispy premium sandwich with XL soda n fries!

hazed

2006-06-10T05:38:00.000-07:00

Albert Einstein said -

The question that often makes me hazy
is if i am, or are others crazy!

If Einstein the genius cant understand such a question, how dare i! i mean,
he actually invented the light bulb....and the less brainy ppl like me can only
imagine a light-bulb start glowing when we get an idea (not to mention that
the bulb disappears real quick as soon as the idea is shared with others
and rejected)

Basketball season out here, and the Kings are already out of anywhere &
everywhere.they barely made it to the play-offs after trying at it for seven l
uck-less years and still cudnt keep upto expectations! well not that i care
much..just that they r the Sacto team :)

The FIFA must have started too n i think i saw Ecuador defeated via yahoo
headlines.Again, cricketz my interest but i'd have seen FIFA back home.
Here, its just 5 channels to watch that too with the old desi desperado style
of having an antenna cut up loose in the hopes that it catches signals lols!
heyyyyyyyyyyy i can watch Raymond, n Malcom, n House MD, n 24...
i.e i can watch FOX,abc n UPN 31...somethings better than nothing !

pizzaaaaaaaaa yes again we went to round table, this time just me
n my 3 sibs...ordered 2 x-large ones 2 salads n 2 drinks.turns out, v
had to bring back home a whole ton of salad n almost a pizza n a half!
those ppl make it HUGE whew! v thot a few left-over slices v cud take
home but looks like no more lunch cooking for saturday yippeeee

schoolz gona b over for the lil one by monday n the other 2 shall restart
their college classes the same day! i prefer the tid-bit around me so it
suits me fine...much better than being home-alone! moms scheduled to b
back by next week too...IF she does..ahh the IFz and BUTz in my life
!so i shud have high hopes of being back home soon...but i dont!
oh why oh why oh why!!!!!!!! gimme back my life before i turn into a
monsterrrrrrrrrr - actually, a monster worse than the one i am right now!
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

TO my dear dear friend Zain, i wish u the goodies of life and happiness and
blessings of Allah SWT -Amen! be brave boy b brave as ur name shall
finally b struck off the bachhelors list by tomorrow! IF i had been there,
u know i wud have definitely attended ur big day and wud have dragged all
the gang along with me! i hope the dumbos make it without me but duznt
matter...v r all cheering for u , happy for u n wishing u the best!

TO dear Sanah, congratulations on becoming mommy to cute li'l Hasan :)
May u b blessed with happiness through him forever..-Amen!

the game life plays!!! ironic barbaric monsterous! foul play dear life! its just
not fair that u play us as puppets to ur commands.

............mere excuses

2006-06-06T00:43:00.000-07:00

so y am i here today? i duno! wat am i gona write about? i duno! one of those days when u feel the blues, the lonely days that seems to take forever to be over....in reality, i had much to opportunity to have fun. a trip to the mall with the cosin is always a good way to cheer up but v were both in a bad mood n were out of the place in 10 mins wondering y did v go in the first place!! then there was the dinner at my aunts house which was again a cheer-upper but nopes....my mood got the best of me n i ended up just staring at the steam coming out of my tea and wishing that my life was like it too...expanding over a few moments and then b done with. without any trace, without any bothers n without any cares

many reasons to cheer up wasted...but i had a fair share of problems to spoil my mood too! my mom was supposed to be back the day after tomorrow she extended her stay a few days more n now finally, shes announced that she'll come with my dad whenever he can! this means it'll take quite a few days bcos he already told us that hez busy with his projects n can barely make-it by mid-july. not good news at all.

supposedly, she is now again planning to have her galbladder stone removed. in the karachi weather, its not a wonderful idea and god forbid if the a/c duznt work (bcos of power breakdowns) its gona delay healing arghhhhh

secondly, im tired of household chores n need a break. i wana get my hands on a good novel n lose myself in it but the only one on the cards is Kite Runner and that too my cosin is reading so i have to wait ages till shez done!

i'v been to 4 grad parties in 2 weeks n theres another one tomorrow...have yet to think of some good reason to back-out

hmmmm wat else? any more reasons to feel gloomy? yes there r more still but i guess its all in me..yesterday i ws flying high, today i'v crash landed onto the ground...maybe its just me n the reasons im stating are mere excuses for feeling this way.....i dont wana b this way....its not fun

i wana go home...will that help? i miss my friends but after a year will v b together the same way? a year...has changed me...changed my life...if these changes and their effects r gona stay any longer, my life might b doomed...im scared i look to Allah for blessings for guidance n yet i cant see my way through....no light no path to follow...

somewhere sometime, i have come to realize that iv lost my self! who should i blame?

Dear City of Lights, i miss u....

2006-06-03T02:47:00.000-07:00

There's much i can write about today. The day was so slow paced and all i ended up doing was lying on bed for the most part, with eyes staring a certain invisible spot on the roof above me.... a small spot, and yet that spot was like a movie of my life replayed; alluring me into itself, inviting me to relive my moments my memories my highs and lows....making me miss the centerpoint of my existence, Karachi!!!

And all of my life except the past year, has been spent in the city of lights..MY city..MY karachi.And yes, i really do love it enough to write 'MY' in captials.From sea view to the highway, i love the city to bits.Its one of the best places to live in if u r not afraid of being called a fool by the more 'saner' others.Its the city where the sun sets behind the numerous tall buildings; where u r always sure of hearing crows above ur head.The city that buzzes 24/7 and knows no quiet; be it the siren of some ambulance, a blast in the metropolitan, a mela at the arts council or simply the joyous singing voices of a mehendi in the neighbourhood.Thats wat i love about my city, its contrasting in colours and schemes, in people and thoughts but its all still a part of Karachi. A whole big sea that has its arms wide-open, ready to engulf u into itself....making u a part of itself and never making u feel foreign even if u r! Its got the bureaucrats and the elites, the rich and the poor, the powerful and the needy but the gap is a huge gaping one; the contrats demarcated by the clifton bridge and one side can refer to the other as residents of 'that' side of the bridge!

To live Karachi means a must visit to the beach; take of ur shoes and let the cool sand work its magic into the soul. For the food-loves, Karachi is a blessing with almost all possible cuisines available. The true to heart kind however,need to check out highway restaurants and dhaabas for that oozy yummy greasy spicy foods that make your taste buds dance a tango at every bite. For shoppers, theres hyderi and then tariq road and then gulf and then zamzama and much more in between to keep moola flowing out of ur wallet.

But, lemme warn you, it is not a city for those faint at heart. There are frequent power-breakdowns, water shortages and the rainy summers mess the roads alot too. Then again, its the pakoras u enjoy on the roadside, the chit-chaats on the rooftime when lights r out and the sound of water-tankers creeping their way into ur neighbourhood that will become bitter-sweet memories of yesteryear and make u feel nostalgic; the way im feeling today.

So dear city of lights, i miss u.I wish to have never let go of u.Call me back, wrap ur arms around me and tell me u missed me too....call me back, im waiting....

pics @ www.historickarachi.com

*thank u irfan for sending me the link n caring to write 'UR' city in the mail...*

2006-06-02T01:28:00.000-07:00

mein nay iss taur se chaha tujhe aksar janaan
jaisay maahtab ko bey-ant samander chahay
jaisay khushbu ko hawa, rung se hut ker chahay
jaisay ghunchay khulay mausam se hina mangtay hein
jaisay barish ki dua aabla-pa mangtay heinj
aisay pathar kay kalaijay se kirren phoot-ti hai
mein nay iss taur se chaha tujhe aksar janaan.....

mein nay chaaha keh terey husn ki gulnaar fiza
meri ghazlon ki qataaron se mehekti jaey
raqs kerta rahay, bharta rahay, khushbu ka khumaar
mere khaamosh khayaalon mein takallum tera

tu magar ajnabi maahol ki parwardah kiran
meri bujhti hui raton ko sehar ker na sake
teri sanson mein maseehai to thee laikin tum bhee
chara-e-zakhm-e-ghum-e-deeda-e-tarr, ker na sake

tujh ko maloom hi kab hai keh kisi dard ka daagh
aankh se dil mein utar jaey to kya hota hai
tu keh seemab tabiyat hai tujhey kya maloom
mausam-e-hijar thahar jaey to kya hota hai

tu nay us mor pay tora hai talluq keh jahan
dekh sakta nahin koi bhee palat ker janaan
abb yeh aalam hai keh ankhein jo khulein gee apni
yaad aey ga teri deed ka manzar janaan

jaisay mahtaab ko be-ant samander chahay
mein nay iss taur se chaha tujhe aksar janaan

my friends - a blessing during panic-attack peekaboos!

2006-05-31T15:32:00.000-07:00

It was a perfectly normal day yesterday..nothing out of the extra-ordinary at all. The weather was good not too hot and v had the a/c on as well. Lunch was hamburgers and at dinner time, i baked chicken tikkas made steamed rice and had with it coke and lays chips. It was really good n we all had second helpings.

But while eating, i again started getting my panic attack; well, atleast the symptoms. The strange thing is that the pain always started somewhere around the right kidney area..yesterday it started from the left n creeped all through me making it impossible to stand up at all. Still managed to bake a batch of brownies and eat it with icecream n fudge sauce...... i really thought it wud help me cheer up but nopes! went from bad to worse and isha'a (night) prayers were a mess....had to discontinue and offer my witarz later on. Should i b worried abt the change of sides? duno...have no idea at all.

All through bearing the pain n doing dishes n baking, i realized that moms really are great creatures, such blessings who donot complain abt pains n bothers n kids at all...they bear it quitely n keep working cooking taking care of us kids and even trying to soothe our pains even if they'r suffering from something more painful than us! playing mom for my 2 teenage brothers last night made me realize the fact yet again...

I'v been unable to sleep in the past 24 hours...was online cos had nothing else to do. talked to a frnd but he went off busy with office work.another one came online n it ws mercy for me bcos the pain ws killing me n needed something someone to take my mind off it....so they were both better effective than the pain-killer i had taken which helped matterz none at all.

The fear of having to suffer yet another hyperventilation/panic-attack is equally horrific as the attack itself...u know its lurking in the dark shadows, behind the corners somewhere n will leap at u and catch u off guard. All i wana do is close my eyes n deny myself the symptoms..let it be something else some other pain....not another panic-attack who will i ask for help? my brothers will freak out they wont know wat to do? they'll start shouting crying making things worse for me! im living the nightmare today once again...the attack hasnt arrived yet all i hope is that it forgets me n goes away....!

Even though you might think im crazy staying up all night n chat my time away, lemme tell you that i had been tryng to b normal to sleep at night and all like a normal person..but its just not happening n net is a good way to kill time atleast for me!

I felt grateful for having good friends who are there for me when i need them...one or the other always comes my way...just now a third one ws here wasting his night-sleep to help me with pep-talk :) im blessed, truly blessed n i thank Allah for that...a handful of friends and each one worth everything...each one a gem

i wonder wat good i did to b lucky? would i b there for someone in the same way? i duno...but yes, i sincerely hope that im able to help back and share the blessings with anyone in need - Amen

Blasphemous poetry? Read and tell...

2006-05-30T02:59:00.000-07:00

One of my friends, nocturnal, writes poetry...
he sent me this poem of his, asking if it comes under blasphemy; honestly, i duno

herez wat i said to him-

wats blasphemous abt it? that u seem to b denying building an ark n wud prefer to take the waves head-on? isnt taht called free-will?

im not an authority yara..but i blv in no compulsion...... choice is there n u r supposed to choose..also, u can say much but not necessarily deny the fact that u might not act on ur own words when need b? duno if u see wat me saying

its like this, when i make dua'a i face ka'aba and to talk to HIM, i face the sky...duznt mean im denying that HEs not omnipotent...HE is..its just my way of relating to HIM

lols...gosh im a diplomat alrite!! pardon me if i aint of help...i'd spare u the trouble of being blasphemous yara seriously
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i duno wat he'll reply..probably annoyed at my answer hmm..but i guess an opinion from you would help matters...care to read the poem and comment on it please?

I don’t need to stay
In your hell at all
I’d rather fallI’d rather fallI
’d rather fall
Than to float like a mole
Just to trick pious souls.

I am a preacher of love
I can’t wage no war
You better call
You better call
Your popes and your czars
Your gloomy stars.

I don’t need your face
To display my scars
I’ll embrace the waves
I won’t build your ark.

Yeah! I don’t need to stay
In your hell at all
I’d rather fall
I’d rather fallI
Than to float like a mole
Just to trick pious souls.

---------nocturnal

visit him @ www.farhannocturnal.blogspot.com

Memorial Day

2006-05-30T02:09:00.000-07:00

Okay, so once again, it was a luxurious long weekend.Y luxurious? For one thing, it was off saturday sunday and then monday too in celebraiton of Memorial Day. Then, there was the Bar-B-Que party at night which meant no cooking...

Had slept after Fajr prayers (morning prayers) and woke up at 10. Got on the net and chatted the day away with a friend. It is fun talking to him haha hes good company for sure! No breakfast and then no lunch either which meant i was having hunger pangs by the time i got ready for the dinner party. The people who were supposed to pick us up got late which was just great so all we did was take tons of pics and eat the bag of potatoes to stop the stomachs from growling. The ride came over, we went to the party and it was much fun...good food, too! hadn't had grilled burgers awhile so liked those...ths hostess is a good cook so it was pretty damn worth starving all day long! The best part though, was dessert...after maybe more than a year, i had faluda and that too, home made! The noodles were home-made, n there ws ice cream added with rooh-afza n milk and chunky ice...it was so perfectly heavenly that i had to have a second helping!!! i wonder y not many abcd'z like it..atleast my cosins didnt like it and made faces abt it...oh well, i loved it n so did my sister.

Then we got on to watching old gold paki songs..got bored and saw the jawwad ahmed video for yehi tou hei apnapan and loved it. Switched channels and watched the recitation of Soora-e-Rehman...hmm some contrast haan lols!! Both of them brought back memories of home back in Karachi and time flew by...now i'm back home and not sleepy so thought i'd update my day here with you...listening to Qaseedah Burda n humming along
Hope u all out there had a good long weekend too!

-Cheers!